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The boyfriend dilemma

 Why is it that when we imagine our perfect partner that when we finally meet them, it turns out that we are not the perfect partner for them - at all.  When do we know that delicate balance when it comes to matters of the heart and attracting the relationship that we desire?  I met my friend Moses almost a decade ago on one of those cheesy dating apps that was cool hip and fun at the time, but later discovered it was really just another way for men to get laid.  Moses is 5 years older than I am, fit and athletic, and likes to do the things that I like to do as far as physical activities. He is also incredibly sexy and very attractive. The downside about Moses is that he is seemingly a tortured soul, just like I am.  A free spirited black sheep that vies for attention because like most of us emotionally unavailable adults, was neglected as a child.   But that is the one thing that I love the most about him... Moses is wild spirit that can't be tamed.  Just. Like. Me.  Moses and I s

"I Lost My Chin In 2019" - Drew Barrymore

Jowl: noun plural noun: jowls The lower part of a person's (or animal's) cheek, especially when it is fleshy or drooping. I am going to talk a little bit about age. Yeah, I know. Not fun. Especially if you are in your early, mid, or late 40's. You may not even like this topic in your 30's because you know eventually... it's coming. When I was a kid, I noticed that each of my aunts had them. The old lunch lady had them, and my grandma had them. At the time, I didn't really consider much of it and thought that maybe it was because they were all angry Irish women or that maybe there was something in the water of our super small rural town that was also causing families to have an over abundance of children. When I started to notice a little bit of face drag as of recent, I thought that maybe it was because I am always on my cell phone looking down or typing away important papers for school (again -looking down) or maybe along with "global warming&

Educating the Uneducated

Every time I am asked what I am taking my Doctoral Studies in and I tell them Educational Leadership, they say... so basically you want to be a High School Principal? Well, not exactly. I am pretty sure that I have floated most of my life. I don't know if it is the flighty Libra of me or the fact that I have always felt as if I am really some other spirit trapped inside this body, still trying to figure out why it is that I am here. I never really had much of an education. I was raised in a very small town in Idaho and decided to move to California during the 8th grade to be with my mom because: A) I missed her. B) I really, I mean really loved the San Francisco introduction scene on the then hit 90's show,  Full House . I mean, their life looked so serene and perfect riding in a convertible with a cute baby and three really awesome-looking dads in the warm (I always despised the Idaho snow) clear blue skied weather and super tall eclectic multi-colored houses.

Stress to Obsess

Sometimes I really don't understand why we stress out about things out of our control. All it does is drive us nutty with a side of delusion and paranoia. To make matters worse, stressing over things we have no control over literally robs us of any 'in your face' moments of joy. I mean, you could be driving along, all stressed out, and go to take a left turn on a verified street where you have taken several left turns before, and not realize that you could be in the path of a very infamous and highly controversial and frequently publicized bus path. Of which, the wonderfully decorated yet (nay I say cursed) buses that now frequent this path that pop out of nowhere to wreak accidental damage, havoc and even lives, could all have been avoided (and for me, it was) if the person driving/walking would have just been in present time (not stressed about shit out of their control) and paying attention! Of course that is an extreme case and an exaggerated situation of an al

To Drink? Or Not to Drink. That is the Question.

A friend and I had plans to go see a movie as soon as he returned from the holidays with his folks. He asked if I wanted to go to Flix Brewhouse, that way we can watch a movie and eat dinner at the same time. I don't know if any of you have ever been to a Flix Brewhouse, but essentially it's an adult spa-esque environment, except instead of sitting around in bath robes sipping champagne in a face mask, you are sitting in a recliner in front of  a large movie screen where attractive servers bring you dinner and beer. It's a pretty ingenious idea, if you ask me.  Of course, the first thing I said was, "do you want to be tonight's designated driver? Because I would looove to have a couple of beers." Now I am not a lush by any and or all means, but there is something about alcohol and I that do NOT get along. I must of accidentally slept with one of its boyfriends somewhere down the road. Or something. Sure, I can get by with drinking only a couple

Don't Box Me In

Recently I had taken an entire 13 day social media fast outside of the Instagram  @thegirlfriendsguidetoforty I know. Forever and a day, right?! I have yet to reactivate my Facebook account - sorry Facebook, I don't miss you. There were several reasons why I decided that I needed a break. One of them being that I started a new doctorate program (I am playing in the big leagues now) and let's face it, social media can suck an hour of your time as if it were only 15 minutes. Another? Well... sometimes social media depresses the shit out of me. I am under the firm belief that social media does more harm than good. There were two things that happened as soon as I disconnected and reconnected again. When I disconnected, four of my friends texted right away. Yes, they are paying attention. It seems that when people deactivate their account(s) there is always some crazy reason as to why, and everyone wants to know the answer. It is usually the people who care abou

Life of Pi

It has been said that without failure, there is no growth. I can say that with all honesty there is some merit to that claim and there are moments from the past few months of my life that are completely unexplained; falling directly under the category of personal failure and growth. I have given the past three years of my life, the past three years of my time, money, energy, love, dedication, emotional support, failing health, and whatever else, to be thrown into a forced position to fit a mold that I tried desperately to escape since Jr. High and High School. Popularity. Unfortunately the career path that I had worked so diligently to pursue since 2011 had me as a "perpetually moving target swayed by the winds of polar politics" (Stowe 2019). In that, the power and influence were not judged by good work ethic and genuine action put forth to create improved results, but by "how well I played in the sand box with others" (Ellis 2019). The past three years