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The boyfriend dilemma

 Why is it that when we imagine our perfect partner that when we finally meet them, it turns out that we are not the perfect partner for them - at all. 

When do we know that delicate balance when it comes to matters of the heart and attracting the relationship that we desire? 

I met my friend Moses almost a decade ago on one of those cheesy dating apps that was cool hip and fun at the time, but later discovered it was really just another way for men to get laid. 

Moses is 5 years older than I am, fit and athletic, and likes to do the things that I like to do as far as physical activities. He is also incredibly sexy and very attractive.

The downside about Moses is that he is seemingly a tortured soul, just like I am. 

A free spirited black sheep that vies for attention because like most of us emotionally unavailable adults, was neglected as a child.  

But that is the one thing that I love the most about him... Moses is wild spirit that can't be tamed. 

Just. Like. Me. 

Moses and I spent a lot of time together doing things that normal dating couples do, without doing all the intimate things that normal dating couples do. 

I have never felt so comfortable transitioning throughout all of my stages from insecure, to confident, to mature as I have felt being friends with Moses. He is the epitome of the best friend narrative. 

What's the problem you ask? Confusing that best friend narrative with my lonely heart that is highly attracted to him most of the time. 

Plus, he's just not that into me. 

How can a grown woman such as myself really believe that I might be in love with a man that believes he is unloveable? And why is it that my attraction to him is not reciprocal? 

It's the boyfriend dilemma. 

I still haven't discovered why some people can meet, fall in love, have an incredible friendship and sex life, followed by the perfect connection, then the perfect agreement that they are undeniably and most definitely "the one."

Why? Because it is too perfect and probably doesn't exist. 

I am also probably just in love with the idea of love. 

Yet, if wild horses can be tamed, then maybe he can too. 

Just not with me. 

Nor would I want that. 

At all. 

Solution?

I will keep the friendship. I just know my boundaries.  


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