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Showing posts from 2019

Life of Pi

It has been said that without failure, there is no growth. I can say that with all honesty there is some merit to that claim and there are moments from the past few months of my life that are completely unexplained; falling directly under the category of personal failure and growth. I have given the past three years of my life, the past three years of my time, money, energy, love, dedication, emotional support, failing health, and whatever else, to be thrown into a forced position to fit a mold that I tried desperately to escape since Jr. High and High School. Popularity. Unfortunately the career path that I had worked so diligently to pursue since 2011 had me as a "perpetually moving target swayed by the winds of polar politics" (Stowe 2019). In that, the power and influence were not judged by good work ethic and genuine action put forth to create improved results, but by "how well I played in the sand box with others" (Ellis 2019). The past three years

The 40 Year Old Grandma

Yes readers, something magical happened. I am now a real grandma. Real as in, not your stereotypical granny that has coke-bottle glasses, grey hair, shrinks, and wears their hair in a bun. I am a real grandma, as in, their father and I had children at the ripe ol' age of 21 (yeah, I missed the alcohol phase of that age) and my daughter in turn had her first baby at 22 which makes me... 40 something. You can do the math if you feel inclined. But truth, if I could describe perfection, that would be my grandson. He was 10 pounds and eats like a linebacker. He is already long and going to be super tall and his face... holy molly, he has the cutest little angelic face I think I have ever seen. I am positive I cried several times while holding him and he may already think I am nuts, but he indeed is perfect. He is wicked smart, too. I am not joking. If you ask him a question, he will answer you with a yes or no head nod. I can also read his mind. "Oh, you want gr

GFGF: Reading “To Love and Let Go” - Rachel Brathen

A couple of years ago when I started my Instgram account I typed in the word, "yoga" and the person who popped up was Rachel Brathen, aka Yoga_Girl. Of course the first thing I noticed were all the amazing pictures of her doing yoga in Aruba with deep blue skies, clear blue water, and that incredible white sandy beach.   I can assume that I am not the only human who day dreams any chance they can get of experiencing a life outside of their own, even if simply visually escaping for a swipe or two.   I clicked follow.  Then something interesting happened.  I started to like her.  I liked her views, her methodologies regarding yoga and the practice of.  I liked that she seemed down to earth and genuine.  Plus she said the word fuck . Like, a lot.  It was her boldness and her ability to say what she wanted to say - say it - then accept and deal with the consequences - that sold me on the idea that I wanted to go to Aruba and practice at Island Yoga

TGFG: The Pelican Man

A few years ago I was going through a really dark time in my life. I had just gotten married to the worst possible choice for a husband, and some really unfortunate things happened. Maybe I will write about those later. I will just say that it was one of the lowest points in my life. It was October, around my birthday and he was no longer living in the house. He was living with his paralegal and wife, since the day after we returned home from our honeymoon. I remember that I was so depressed that I couldn't get out of bed and I think I must have slept for a week straight. My kids were staying with their grandma, except my youngest. He was about seven or eight, and to this day that kid has rarely left my side. He called his grandmother (his dad's mom) and said that he couldn't get mom to wake up. I was in a state of unconsciousness. He was scared, because here was his mom who is supposed to be taking care of him, laid up in bed, sleeping for what seemed to be days on

GGTF: The Sweat Lodge Experience.

Lately I have been feeling like I am in need of a spiritual and physical cleansing. I have been a member of MeetUp for quite sometime because it's a great way to discover things to do in your community with other like minded individuals; so when I came across the Fall Equinox Sweat Lodge Ceremony, I felt it could be a great place to start. If you have never been to a sweat lodge, basically it's a man-made hut that is oblong or dome shaped made completely out of natural materials. The ceremonies performed within the structure are usually done as a purification or detoxification via sweating in a temperature as hot if not hotter than a sauna. From the construction of the lodge to the prayers offered, the lodge's purpose is to connect deeply to oneself through the spiritual symbolism that represents the womb of the earth. Its intent is to purify those within it by sweat and prayers of gratitude. Some put a lot of stock into the sweat lodge experience going as far as ma

Girlfriends' Guide to Forty: New Mom

I spoke to my soon-to-be-mom daughter this morning for about two hours. Something we have been doing a lot more of lately, especially since I don't live close to her. I asked her, "have you folded and refolded all of his clothes yet?" Yes, she's nesting for sure and especially now since her and her hubby are remodeling their little beach cottage. But you better bet the baby room is finished and she has everything prepared and ready to go. Her hubby made sure of that. In fact, we are all betting that although babies due date is October 1st, she is going to have baby any day now. It was so cute to hear her talk about the baby and how right now he is being fed and how he's warm and comfortable and how soon he is going to have all new life experiences outside of the comfort of mamma's womb. "He will experience hunger, light, upset tummy, sleep, being uncomfortable." "He will experience being (she paused) cold," she'd said. Oh my

Girlfriends' Guide to Forty: Boobies Revolution

Lately when I am getting dressed and ready for the day, I have been putting my jeans/skirts/pants/yoga pants (you catch my drift) on first. Hell, I'll even put whatever shoes on that I am wearing for the day and do my hair and make-up before I attempt putting on a bra. I mean before, I was all about rushing to put on the bra and undies on first. You know, to avoid any embarrassing - your kids might walk through the door although your door is locked, moment? I even used to sleep with a bra on! But since my kids are grown and there's no one really at the house but the dog and the cat (I catch them looking) I have been letting the boobs free. You know, to hang out. I guess it's like a right of passage, or a new found freedom, if you will. Remember that silly children's song that your grandma used to sing to you? I'm positive that ice cream trucks play it while driving around the neighborhood. Now I don't know about you, and I know this ain't no ladi

Girlfriends' Guide to Forty: I'll Have the Baba GhaNEWsh

New: adjective Not existing before; made, introduced, or discovered recently for the first time. Is it totally cliché to mention that once you have gotten this far in life that new is always better? That new is really like old - aka the younger version of you - and that the idea of new is absolutely sold to us on a daily basis? Every day we are being bombarded to try new things. The best part about finally growing up and becoming an adult was that I had free reign over what I was going to do with myself. Every decision made up until this point, regardless of circumstances, was all done by the adult version of me. I can wear what I want, decorate the house the way that I want. I can even buy a million pairs of shoes and never wear them, if I want. Where I live, people absolutely freak when a new restaurant comes to town, especially breweries. I mean, how many different kinds of beers are there, really? Ever read those stories how people standing in line

Girlfriends' Guide to Forty: Setting Intentions

Intention: noun A thing intended; an aim or plan. Like anything in life, we must set intentions. We set intentions not to sleep in and get up early enough for work. We set intentions to remind ourselves to set the crock-pot on low, so we don't burn dinner. We also set intentions for our self for other things like our health, to take our vitamins and do some routine yoga. Everything in our life is revolved around the intention we put toward it. Today, my intention was to leave the house. I am a teacher by trade, and this year I haven't taken, or been offered a contract. Like many things in life, things we plan just don't go as expected. Having a conversation with a new friend yesterday solidified that. Both of us are newly graduated from Masters programs in our forties and both of us admittedly feel completely lost in our journey's. Although she is a former Yale student, and a current Berkley graduate, the pressure is on to get hired at a top architecture firm

Dating and 40.

The thing about dating in your 40's is that the single people there are to choose from are relationship rejects in one form or another. Yourself included. Why is it such an unrelenting struggle when engaging in the formalities of love?  Don't get me wrong, I am sure there are some prime men and women out there that are decent people, hold down jobs and drive nice cars that make them appear somewhat respectable. But outside of all of those things, there is a reason why they are still single. Have you heard of those stories where the couple brags about sleeping together on their first date and end up getting married anyway? Well, that doesn't really happen and if it does, he's either knocked you up or had a temporary loss of sanity. Then you have the people who are not ready to grow up, starting off super attractive because they are smart and witty and make you laugh. Then when you even show the slightest hint that yeah, you could give them a chance, they either

Life's Dramatic Expectations

Imagine that you saved for a year to take that trip to somewhere tropical where the beaches are sandy white and the water is a clear crystal blue. You've prepared yourself mentally and physically by taking swimming lessons and diving lessons and anything you can think of knowing that you will be spending time in the sea. You get there, everything is perfect. You notice that the tide is stronger than you expected. There's seaweed in the water. The beach is swarming with bodies. You. You are there. What are you waiting for? You run out into the sea, feeling that inner small child inside you squeal with delight. You notice the brilliant colors of the sky, and how they are swirling with orange, blue, and white. You think to yourself in that moment that noting else could be more perfect than this, then all of the sudden, a very large wave engulfs you. It pulls you under. You can't grab your bearings, you're unsure which way is up or which is down. In that momen

Age: Is it Just a Number?

Many of us women dreaded the number thirty. We were scared about aging, messing up, being unsuccessful. For me, my thirties were the best years of my life, and when that big ol'number 4-0 started approaching, I thought it was all over. Hell fire and brimstone (or the grim reaper) would show up at my door unannounced suddenly and and I would have a new date for the night. But this is really what happened... I can remember the day of, well, the night before actually. Or maybe it’s currently a blur, because I don't know if you know this, but once you have hit that milestone, that place between youth and death, you forget things. Literally. Remember those times your parents used to tell you about losing their car keys and needing a buzzer or whistle to find them? You laughed then, but now? Yep. You can't remember squat! The night before, I was still thirty-nine. My friends decided to take me out to celebrate at a local bar called Zinc. Zinc is a classy joint. It's d