The Girlfriends' Guide to Forty

 I hate to say it, but I gave in to having augmentation done to my body.  I had been contemplating breast implants for a while, have friends that have had them done, and even dependent on how much money you want to spend, (about $12,000 plus if you want the real natural feeling ones) augmenting anything is not a sure thing, and even with breast implants, you still have to go back in 10 years or so to have them replaced and redone.  No, I didn't have breast implants, and now, I never want to.  I have been doing little things here and there such as getting Myers cocktails, vitamin infusions, Microdermabrasion to refresh the skin, and have even had an invasive procedure done called Votiva where now I don't "pee myself a little" when I run.  Nice and tight and cozy.  Okay, TMI, but still...  Anyway, I can see why women (and sometimes men) become addicted to these types of procedures because once you get started, you want to try something new and different because you are

"I think that a) you have an act, and that b) not having an act is your act."  - Quote from the cult classic film,   Singles . How do you know when you love someone?  I've been married twice and I still don't know.  I also have this insatiable ability to generally fuck things up in pretty much every relationship since.  In fact, when I tell anyone that knows me that I may be interested in someone, like clockwork their responses are: "don't overthink and don't fuck it up."  I am watching that movie Singles now, and nothing has changed.  Fuck, if it were different I would be surprised.  Love, dating, boyfriend/girlfriend, it's all a damn game.  Drama.  One that I have zero clues on how to play.  Yet, after watching Singles for the umpteenth time, this film makes more sense than ever before.  That love I wrote about in the last two posts?  Yeah, it's already over.  Am I wrecked about it?  No.  Let me write that again.  Am I wrecked about it?  A

 I was once told that I live my life like a cliche.  Well, the thing with cliches and quotes, and age-old sayings are that oftentimes, if not all, they are true.  Yes, I live my life as if it were a stupid silly little cliche. Yes, I too (although I say that I don't) have certain expectations from a relationship that I just assume things.  That any and all men that are even remotely interested in me should "just know" what I expect from them and vise versa, especially with this one because we have been friends for so long, and so forth.  But I guarantee you, they don't.  Moses (that's his pen name) has no clue how I feel about him. Even though when we are together we do know because we both feel it. It's electric.  Moses has no clue that not saying something silly and very cliche to me in a text such as "good morning" is what keeps me knowing that those feelings we have when we are together are still there while we are apart.  No, he doesn't know

 Why is it that when we imagine our perfect partner that when we finally meet them, it turns out that we are not the perfect partner for them - at all.  When do we know that delicate balance when it comes to matters of the heart and attracting the relationship that we desire?  I met my friend Moses almost a decade ago on one of those cheesy dating apps that was cool hip and fun at the time, but later discovered it was really just another way for men to get laid.  Moses is 5 years older than I am, fit and athletic, and likes to do the things that I like to do as far as physical activities. He is also incredibly sexy and very attractive. The downside about Moses is that he is seemingly a tortured soul, just like I am.  A free spirited black sheep that vies for attention because like most of us emotionally unavailable adults, was neglected as a child.   But that is the one thing that I love the most about him... Moses is wild spirit that can't be tamed.  Just. Like. Me.  Moses and I s

Jowl: noun plural noun: jowls The lower part of a person's (or animal's) cheek, especially when it is fleshy or drooping. I am going to talk a little bit about age. Yeah, I know. Not fun. Especially if you are in your early, mid, or late 40's. You may not even like this topic in your 30's because you know eventually... it's coming. When I was a kid, I noticed that each of my aunts had them. The old lunch lady had them, and my grandma had them. At the time, I didn't really consider much of it and thought that maybe it was because they were all angry Irish women or that maybe there was something in the water of our super small rural town that was also causing families to have an over abundance of children. When I started to notice a little bit of face drag as of recent, I thought that maybe it was because I am always on my cell phone looking down or typing away important papers for school (again -looking down) or maybe along with "global warming&

Every time I am asked what I am taking my Doctoral Studies in and I tell them Educational Leadership, they say... so basically you want to be a High School Principal? Well, not exactly. I am pretty sure that I have floated most of my life. I don't know if it is the flighty Libra of me or the fact that I have always felt as if I am really some other spirit trapped inside this body, still trying to figure out why it is that I am here. I never really had much of an education. I was raised in a very small town in Idaho and decided to move to California during the 8th grade to be with my mom because: A) I missed her. B) I really, I mean really loved the San Francisco introduction scene on the then hit 90's show,  Full House . I mean, their life looked so serene and perfect riding in a convertible with a cute baby and three really awesome-looking dads in the warm (I always despised the Idaho snow) clear blue skied weather and super tall eclectic multi-colored houses.